"SEMPER FI"

Need a chuckle??

Number One Idiot of 2005 I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I… Continue

Deaf Sex

Two deaf people get married and during the first week of marriage they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out since they can't see each other signing, or read lips. After several nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution.


She writes a note to her husband: 'Honey, Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one t… Continue

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, 'I'll tell you,
that was a damned fine sermon, reverend. Damned good!'
The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.'
The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!'
The preacher said, 'No shit?'


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One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find… Continue

A businessman is getting on a flight when he hears from another
passenger that the Pope is going to be on the flight.

"WOW, great!" he thinks, being a devout Christian, "What a good place
to be today."

He boards the aircraft but doesn't see the Pope. so he figures that
maybe the other passenger was wrong. He takes his seat and is thankful
that there is an empty seat next to him. Just before the aircraft
doors are closed the Pope enters the plane and sits next to him. I am
surely blessed the ma… Continue

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:


1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a
' BREASTED AMERICAN.'


2. She is not 'EASY' - She is


'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'




(Loved this one!)


3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a


'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'


4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a


'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'


5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes


' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'


6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a… Continue