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Wayne "2005 Chuckles "

Need a chuckle?? Number One Idiot of 2005 I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I… Continue

Added by Wayne on October 30, 2009 at 7:15pm — No Comments

Wayne Deaf Sex

Deaf Sex Two deaf people get married and during the first week of marriage they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out since they can't see each other signing, or read lips. After several nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution. She writes a note to her husband: 'Honey, Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one t… Continue

Added by Wayne on October 24, 2009 at 8:47pm — No Comments

maudie rpcarr soupy sales

with deepest sympathies to a family friend and especially his brother Jack

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Added by maudie rpcarr on October 23, 2009 at 10:20am — 1 Comment

Wayne "Ol' Folkes Jokes"

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, 'I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon, reverend. Damned good!' The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.' The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!' The preacher said, 'No shit?' ....................................................... One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find… Continue

Added by Wayne on October 20, 2009 at 11:09pm — No Comments

Wayne "The POPE Is On This Flight"

A businessman is getting on a flight when he hears from another passenger that the Pope is going to be on the flight. "WOW, great!" he thinks, being a devout Christian, "What a good place to be today." He boards the aircraft but doesn't see the Pope. so he figures that maybe the other passenger was wrong. He takes his seat and is thankful that there is an empty seat next to him. Just before the aircraft doors are closed the Pope enters the plane and sits next to him. I am surely blessed the ma… Continue

Added by Wayne on October 18, 2009 at 10:30pm — No Comments

Wayne Politically correct

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a ' BREASTED AMERICAN.' 2. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.' (Loved this one!) 3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.' 4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.' 5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes ' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.' 6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a… Continue

Added by Wayne on October 9, 2009 at 4:54pm — No Comments

Wayne "The ECONOMY is SOooooooo bad...................."

The economy is so bad I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?" CEO's are now playing miniature golf.. If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them. Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM. McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer. Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their… Continue

Added by Wayne on October 7, 2009 at 4:53pm — 1 Comment

Wayne "Just FRED"

The name's just Fred..... A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name. 'Fred,' he replies. 'Fred what?' the officer asks. 'Just Fred,' the man responds. The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case… Continue

Added by Wayne on October 3, 2009 at 4:36pm — 1 Comment

Wayne TIFFANY'S

A lady walks into Tiffany's. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little 'whoops' and prays that a sales person wasn't anywhere near. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her and he's good looking as well. Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the… Continue

Added by Wayne on September 29, 2009 at 7:45am — 1 Comment

Wayne Jokes {From E-Mails}

DOG IN HEAT One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink. Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?' The blonde said it was hers. 'Your dog seems to be in heat' the officer said. The blonde replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree.' The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your d… Continue

Added by Wayne on September 28, 2009 at 11:05pm — No Comments

Wayne " T-G-I-F" vs. "S-H-I-T"

T-G-I-F vs. S-H-I-T A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F." He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T." She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly. He again answered, "S-H-I-T." The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F." The man smiled back to her and once again says, "S-H-I-T." The exasperated blonde finally decided… Continue

Added by Wayne on September 25, 2009 at 10:17pm — 1 Comment

♥Ripplingwaterz♥ AN UPDATE ON MY HEALTH.....*OH THE FUN OF GETTING OLDER*

HI EVERYONE, WELL I NEVER GOT THE DEATH SENTENCE WHEN GOING BACK TO THE DR. BUT OH I REALLY THOGHT THIS WAS SOMETHING THAT ONLY HAPPENED TO ELDERLY PEOPLE. LOL I NEVER CONSIDER MYSELF EVEN GETTING CLOSE TO THAT. I HAVE A YOUNGE SPIRIT IN ME SO THIS WAS HARD TO ACCEPT. I HAVE BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH OSTIOPOROSIS, ..... A WEAKENING OF THE BONES. OMG I STILL THINK...*THIS CANT BE REAL*... BUT I WAS TOLD YESTERDAY THAT THIS HAPPENS TO YOUNG PEOPLE AS WELL. SIGH... SO NOW I MUST GO ON MY JOURNEY A BIT… Continue

Added by ♥Ripplingwaterz♥ on September 23, 2009 at 5:19pm — 1 Comment

Mark Co Smart Car?

Do You Want a Smart Car? Not if you are smart!

Below is a photo of a wreck in Jefferson Parish, LA (near New Orleans ) between two trucks and a Smart Car. Think I'll pass on the Smart

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Added by Mark Co on September 22, 2009 at 5:18pm — No Comments

Mark Co Cake Mixes & Toxins

This is part of a recent e-mail i received (Cake Mixes & Toxins A student at HBHS (high school) had pancakes this week and it almost became fatal. His Mom (registered nurse) made him pancakes, dropped h im off at school and headed to play tennis. She never takes her cell phone on the court but did this time and her son called to say he was having trouble breathing. She told him to go to the nurse immediately and proceeded to call school and alert the nurse. The nurse called the para… Continue

Added by Mark Co on September 21, 2009 at 2:30pm — 1 Comment

Mark Co Gotta love this Doctor

Gotta love this Doctor...

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it.... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speed up heart not make live longer; that like say you can extend l… Continue

Added by Mark Co on September 17, 2009 at 3:27am — No Comments

Doug Kimsey In remembering Patrick Swayze

'Dirty Dancing' star Patrick Swayze Black Dog - with Patrick Swayze

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Added by Doug Kimsey on September 15, 2009 at 9:00am — 2 Comments

Wayne "The Mechanic and the Doctor "

A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.......The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, 'Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?' The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, 'So Doc, look at thi… Continue

Added by Wayne on September 12, 2009 at 7:32pm — No Comments

Mark Co You Can't Fix Stupid

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Added by Mark Co on September 11, 2009 at 12:32am — No Comments

Doug Kimsey High Speed Camera Shots

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Added by Doug Kimsey on September 10, 2009 at 10:35am — No Comments

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